Fancy Meeting You Here

[iamnotpolaris]

(While neither thread is intended to begin a larger glowfic, the Emily in this thread is specifically intended to be the Emily from http://glowfic.dreamwidth.org/18547.html)

Oh, look, Milliways!
Emily takes out a notebook and scribbles down the question she had for her professor so she won't forget it if she ends up spending a lot of time or is otherwise distracted, then strolls cheerfully into the bar.
"Hi, Bar! Can I get some kind of milkshake or something, please?"

Comments

[iamnotpolaris]

"I don't mind hearing six centuries of historical context."

[unmarred]

"Well then. It all began in approximately 2225 when humanity discovered wormhole jump technology and started colonizing distant planets. Barrayar was one of the first. Halfway through the process of terraforming the planet and bringing in all the equipment and colonists, one of the wormholes on the route from Earth to Barrayar collapsed, stranding fifty thousand colonists on the far side without enough technological infrastructure to finish terraforming the planet or even keep their spaceships and power plants and computers in working order. Six centuries of reinventing assorted wheels both societal and technological ensued; meanwhile, the rest of the galaxy went merrily on. And then they discovered a second wormhole route to Barrayar."

[iamnotpolaris]

"I think Ivan mentioned a Time of Isolation."

[unmarred]

"Yeah, that would be the one. So, the original route was a straight shot to Barrayar from Earth, but these days Earth isn't nearly as much of a galactic hub as it was during the first wave of colonizations. Barrayar's new link to the wider galaxy goes through a planet called Komarr, which is so minimally terraformed that everyone has to live in sealed arcologies because there isn't enough oxygen outside to breathe, but they have a lot of wormhole routes so they get rich off trade and traffic. The Barrayar route looked to be more of the same. Except that one of Komarr's preexisting neighbours, the eight-planet Cetagandan Empire, decided they liked the look of this newly rediscovered planet whose inhabitants had only just figured out gunpowder again. They bribed the Komarrans to let them take an invasion fleet through, and conquered Barrayar fairly handily thanks to the technological disparity."

[iamnotpolaris]

"Lovely. Ivan mentioned that in passing too, a couple times--apparently it's part of why your sister-in-law needs a bodyguard."

[unmarred]

"Right," he agrees. "Well, eventually they kicked the Cetagandans out - no mean feat, considering it was essentially swords against atomics at the beginning. And almost immediately afterward, Barrayar conquered Komarr, to forestall any repeat incidents. You have to wonder what Komarr was thinking when they took the bribe in the first place - I mean, it would've been somewhat ridiculous at the time to think Barrayar could've won, but if the Cetagandan occupation had actually been successful Komarr would've been a waypoint on the only route between two member planets of an expansionist empire, and there's only so long that situation can remain stable. Anyway. The man who headed the Barrayaran invasion of Komarr was Aral Vorkosigan, and he did as neat a job as you please. Wrote a book about it. Barely a shot fired, because the arcologies made the Komarrans so vulnerable that the invasion fleet didn't have to do much more than loom threateningly and offer generous terms of surrender."

[iamnotpolaris]

"If that was all it took to conquer Komarr, why hadn't the Cetagandans done it already?"

[unmarred]

He waves a hand dismissively. "Galactic politics. They weren't going to start with Komarr, it'd signal to the rest of the galaxy that any one of them might be next, and that sort of thing tends to make one's enemies band together and one's allies dry up. But Barrayar didn't quite count because they were barely considered a civilized planet. Part of the work the Barrayarans did to resist Cetagandan occupation was send the most charming available prince out to solicit galactic aid, get people thinking of them as worth helping."

[iamnotpolaris]

"Aaaaah. But Barrayar could conquer Komarr because Komarr arguably started it."

[unmarred]

"Yeah. And arguably it worked in their favour politically, by firmly establishing them as a planet you don't want to fuck with - when you're the biggest interplanetary empire in the galaxy, it's in your interest to mollify lest your neighbours collectively decide you are making them uncomfortable, but when the most memorable thing about you is that you were just conquered by the biggest interplanetary empire in the galaxy, it may be in your interest to adopt a more threatening posture."

[iamnotpolaris]

"I don't think I had heard the 'biggest interplanetary empire' bit, but boy does that ever make sense."

[unmarred]

"Yeah. But I believe I was describing the Komarr invasion. Admiral Vorkosigan got his generous surrender terms tied up with a neat little bow, and then one of his subordinates decided that not enough Komarran blood had been shed for his liking, and rounded up two hundred wealthy and politically notable Komarrans and had them all killed in contravention of both the admiral's peace agreement and his explicit orders, not to mention common fucking sense."

[iamnotpolaris]

"And that would be several of my top ten reasons why I am never joining any military ever neatly packaged into one moron."

[unmarred]

Snort. "There were some politics at work, it wasn't just a case of one moron, but yes. Unfortunately for Admiral Vorkosigan, when he found out about the Solstice Massacre his temper got the better of him and he killed the offending subordinate on the spot, which prevented him from acquiring any evidence to prove the man had not been secretly acting on his orders the whole time, so everyone promptly assumed exactly that, and the family name remains a curse on Komarr to this day. He ended up with a galactic reputation as a bloodthirsty murderer too, but that one was neither as personal nor as long-lasting."

[iamnotpolaris]

"How sure *are* you that he wasn't secretly acting on orders? Not that I don't believe you, exactly, I can imagine people I care about similarly losing their tempers."

[unmarred]

"In my firm and well-researched opinion, the likelihood of Aral Vorkosigan secretly ordering someone to commit a massacre against his openly sworn word is best described using phrases like 'when pigs fly' and 'a cold day in hell'."

[iamnotpolaris]

"Just checking. So some idiot kills a bunch of people and Aral Vorkosigan gets blamed, and this through some circuitous route leads you to having healthy bones."

[unmarred]

"Patience. I'm getting there. You asked for the six-century version, I remind you. So, Aral Vorkosigan went on to marry a brilliant woman named Cordelia Naismith, and they had one son, Miles. Thanks to an assassination attempt while Cordelia was pregnant, Miles was born with a rather atrociously malformed skeleton. Modern medicine did the best it could and he's still pretty short and funny-looking. Then, when Miles was about six, the ongoing unrest on Komarr broke out into active rebellion. One of the leaders of the rebellion, when he saw that rebellion per se did not appear to be getting the job done, decided to make things a little more personal. He faked his death, stole some of Miles's tissue samples - not hard, the kid was in and out of hospitals on nearly a weekly basis while they monitored his bone development - and took them to an illegal cloning lab on Jackson's Whole."

[iamnotpolaris]

"...Oh."
pause
"I'm sorry."
pause
"Also sorry, I wasn't trying to be impatient, I just thought we had gone on a bit of a tangent, and. Yes."

[unmarred]

"It's fine," he says cheerfully. "Yeah, so, I'm the result of a clone substitution plot. I was supposed to impersonate Miles, kill his father, and then murder my way to becoming Emperor of Barrayar, which was sold to me as a valid possible outcome but was actually supposed to activate cultural tensions about visible deformity and lead to a nastily divisive civil war so Galen could take back Komarr while the Barrayarans were busy killing each other. And I don't in fact have my brother's bone disorder, but for obvious reasons I was surgically altered to look exactly like him, which is why it's not quite accurate to say I 'don't have the bone thing'."

[iamnotpolaris]

"Oh, wait, I misremembered. It wasn't the mutant thing, it was when I told him I was in the habit of bringing home medical technology to reverse-engineer, and he wanted to see if he could get a safe painkiller for his cousin."

[unmarred]

"Yeah, Miles's metabolism is a bit of a clusterfuck as far as drug reactions. As far as I can tell I don't have it nearly as bad."

[iamnotpolaris]

"Better than not, I suppose. So is Galen still around in any capacity, is that a thing that needs taking care of?"

[unmarred]

"Nah. Killed him."

[iamnotpolaris]

"Good for you! So does Ivan in fact know you exist, or..."