The author gives some account of herself and family.

[lurkingkobold]

So, that was a party. It was nice, right up until it wasn't - almost like having a tribe again, if she didn't think too closely about it. But then it wasn't, and it really wasn't, and now here we are.

Here, in this case, is the floor of the closet of the room she's been sleeping in, in Miles' house, wrapped up as tight as she can manage in the blanket she took from the bed, waiting for her heart to calm enough that she can go back to sleep after a familiar and expected nightmare. The blanket is wrong - it's missing the smell and stiffness and most importantly the weight of the leather blanket she wishes she had - and the floor is wrong and the acoustics are wrong and being alone, with no other kobolds, is so wrong, and she wishes she could go home, just for a day, just for an hour, just for long enough to let everything be right again for a little while.

She can't, of course. In the light of day, with her new strange almost-tribe, she doesn't even want to, wouldn't want to even if she could. But here, now, in the dark, in this space that is right only in that it's less wrong than her other options, that it's small enough and closed enough that when she wakes, shaking, she can be sure that she is alone, that no one has snuck up on her - here and now, she would trade it all for the smell of cookfire smoke and the sound of a hundred sleeping bodies.

Remembering helps, a little. Even if she can't be there now, tribe is something she had, something she knows like breathing, like heartbeat. She can't be there, but, if she was.... it would sound like this, and it would look like this, and it would feel like this...

Eventually, her breathing slows, and she drifts back to sleep.

Comments

[thisvorlunatic]

Miles is familiar enough with the mirror's signals to glance curiously at it.

[lurkingkobold]

She sets the mirror to reading the message.

I assume Cordelia passed on our apology for upsetting you yesterday. We would like to apologize again. It was probably unfair to dump our problems on you in that kind of detail in the first place, and also unwise because of the communication problems. It's understandable that it was alarming for somebody that doesn't have the whole story. In my own universe I can usually gauge more clearly how to explain something to somebody without confusing or upsetting them because I usually have other things besides body language to go on for that kind of information, but it doesn't work on different kinds of people from outside my world. And Linsa tends to rely on me for that kind of information as well. We are going to have to rethink social interactions a bit it seems.

When the message is done, she makes a confused and slightly dismayed noise.

[greatcomposure]

"Hmm?" says Cordelia.

[lurkingkobold]

"Is elf, of party." She blinks at the mirror, still trying to work out what just happened and how she's meant to respond to it. She makes the noise again: what the hell?

[greatcomposure]

"And it seems like she's done something that confuses you."

[lurkingkobold]

A nod, and a few seconds spent thinking, and then, "Is not of tribe. Is not of friend. Is..." she huffs, and considers further. "Is not apology, is not of do of better, is of ask of help of do of better. Am no of friend, am no of tribe, is no of okay of ask. Am person of do of better of, is no of okay of ask."

[greatcomposure]

Cordelia listens to this, and thinks, and replies after some consideration:

"It didn't sound to me like she was asking for help; it sounded to me like she was explaining why she and her friend acted the way they did, and telling you that they know they should learn how to do better."

[lurkingkobold]

Harumpf. "No is of reason of say."

[greatcomposure]

"In some cultures, that's what people say when they apologize. The idea is something like: showing it is better than saying it, but saying it is better than nothing, and sometimes understanding why someone did an upsetting thing can help it be less upsetting."

[lurkingkobold]

Here is a skeptical kobold.

She thinks for a minute, then rolls her eyes. "Elf is of confuse. Am no of tribe of elf."

She goes back to eating her lunch.

[thisvorlunatic]

"To people who belong to very large groups, that kind of distinction doesn't come up in the same way," Miles contributes. "I'm sure that where Anda's from, that kind of apology is the normal thing to do after upsetting an almost-stranger."

[lurkingkobold]

She harumphs again, with somewhat less ire this time, and continues eating.

After a few minutes, she brings up a new topic.

"New of magic - am need of do of; do of learn of safe of do. Am do of cast of thing - if good of cast, thing do of keep of magic; if bad of cast, am need of break of thing. Is thing of best of do of cast of?"

[thisvorlunatic]

"Good question. Hm. Sticks, blades of grass," (he smiles slightly) "leaves? That sort of thing? I can't think of anything that's plentiful, breakable, and would be useful to have invisible."

[lurkingkobold]

She giggles at the wordplay, and nods. "Kobold world, small of mage of kobold do of cast of stick; am do. ...Oh, is - spell do of tiny of think, thing of spell maybe do of change of invisible." She demonstrates with another grape, turning it invisible, bringing it back to visibility with a tap of her claw, turning it invisible again by breathing on it. "Magic do of see, do of hear, do of feel, do of other; only do of thing if thing is of touch of magic."

[thisvorlunatic]

Miles nods thoughtfully. "That's a useful thing to know how to do."

[lurkingkobold]

She nods again. "Is of invisible kind, is invisible of see, is invisible of hear, is, thing," she turns the fingers of one hand invisible, and passes the other hand through the space they should be occupying. "Magic maybe do of change of one of, maybe do of change of all of, mage do of choose of magic change kind."

[thisvorlunatic]

"Very useful."

[lurkingkobold]

She nods with a grin. "Am do of learn."