Most Likely A Refuge

[whatamithinking]

It was probably safe.

The bar was...unusually reticent, in the lower layers of her mind (and she hadn't pried further; she wasn't sure if she'd be noticed; she wasn't sure if offending would get her kicked out, and regardless of whether it was actually safe it was safer than anywhere else she'd been for the past...three years?) so she couldn't be sure this place wasn't really a trap of some kind, but the higher layers gave a plausible explanation that didn't involve being a trap, and whatever else it was warm and dry and had food. Her guard was probably a full 25% down. Positively trusting, these days.

Comments

[whatamithinking]

"Well lah di dah for you, I imagine I wouldn't mind people trying to kill me as much if I could get back up again afterwards!"

[onceandforall]

"That's not the point! You can't just declare unaffordable mental privacy for random people! It's not yours to refrain from purchasing!"

[whatamithinking]

"It's also not mine to spend, the lives of the people who are depending on me!"

[onceandforall]

"You shouldn't be claiming responsibility you can't handle, and you clearly can't handle it!"

[whatamithinking]

"If there was anyone else who could, I'd gladly step down. If abdicating responsibility didn't mean people died, I'd gladly step down. Do you literally think that mindreading is worse than death, and that you have the right to make this choice for everyone else I interact with?"

[onceandforall]

"You're not trading it off for specific people! You didn't read my mind and look, neither of us is dead! You are harming everybody who crosses your path!"

[whatamithinking]

"This place, whatever it is, is an anomaly for me! I can, in fact, personally confirm that I would have died a dozen times over if I had more lenient habits! Woman, I live in worse than a war zone!"

[onceandforall]

"There are things you should sooner die than do!"

[whatamithinking]

"Do you think I think I'm going to make it out of this alive!? I live to protect those in my care. When my purpose is complete, if it ever is, if someday the survivors live in peace and don't have to look over their shoulder lest jackbooted thugs or murderous robots end them, one way or another I'm going to be dead."

[onceandforall]

"If only your victims were making such a noble sacrifice!"

[whatamithinking]

A remarkably familiar voice from behind Bella says, "Uhhhh..."

[onceandforall]

"Tell me you've got a mental shield. Mine doesn't work on anybody else yet," says Bella, turning towards the... new?... Edie, "and she - she -"

[whatamithinking]

The "new" Edie is wearing a probably-familiar goofy outfit.

"Yeah, the Psyche staff does mental shielding, didn't I mention? What on Earth is going on?"

"You I can at least tell exist," mutters the possibly-evil possibly-suicidal one.

[onceandforall]

"I thought she was you for like... four seconds," Bella mutters. "Assuming you're you; do you recognize me?"

[whatamithinking]

"Of course I do," she says, flushing slightly. "It's--really great to see you again, although I could wish it had been under happier circumstances--do you have mental shielding, do you need to borrow the staff? I can probably do without if I have to."

[onceandforall]

"I've got shielding, she can't even sense I'm here, I got a spell for it last loop and cast it at the start of this one."

[whatamithinking]

"How many loops has it been? And--what's wrong with her, is she just--reading minds? Without permission?"

"I'm right here, you know, you don't have to talk about me behind my back."

"Fine. What the hell is wrong with you, if you're doing things to other peoples' brains without consent."

"It's a matter of fucking survival! Not just mine! Not just Emily's!"

"Right. And no one else could do something better?"

"Everyone else besides us who could do anything about it is dead. Including our parents."

"Tell me, have you ever spent five minutes trying to think of alternate solutions besides turning into my worst nightmare?"

"Of course I fucking have!"

"Really trying? Or convincing yourself that it was necessary, that you had to play the martyr no matter how much it hurt other people? Because it hurts, because it can never stop hurting no matter what, and nothing really matters, even the people you're supposed to be protecting?"

"What--you can't imagine--the Hell I live in--I call my worst nightmares Tuesday--"

"Funny enough, lying to yourself doesn't work as well to an external self."

[onceandforall]

"Just one loop. Door in Buffalo was there again," murmurs Bella.

[whatamithinking]

"I'm glad," unambiguously not-evil Edie murmurs.

Ambiguously-evil Edie's head is lowered, and she's shaking. "You can't--I can't..."

Cerebella looks at her, and--

Puts down the Psyche staff against a wall.

"I'm not defenseless even without this," she warns, as the desperate one looks up sharply. "Touch anything private and you'll regret it."

After a moment, the desperate one--

collapses like a puppet with cut strings.

[onceandforall]

"What - happened?"

[whatamithinking]

"...She couldn't let herself believe me if she didn't have a look for herself. I don't actually mind having my mind read in principle, so I let her. She's currently trying to reconcile I've been being willfully blind for the past three years with and this led me to do terrible things with and collapsing into a heap of self-loathing and/or suicide is the opposite of helpful," Cerebella murmurs. "...I'm so, so, tempted to just--blame everything she did on the people who hurt her, but it doesn't work like that, does it." She shivers. "I just hate to think--that I could have ended up like that. I wouldn't," she whispers fiercely to herself. "I wouldn't do that. Not me. Not now."

[onceandforall]

Bella takes her hand and squeezes it.

[whatamithinking]

She squeezes back.

"...I have the most ridiculous urge to apologize for being the kind of person who's theoretically capable of turning out like that."

[onceandforall]

"No need."

[whatamithinking]

"Yeah. I'm really glad you already had a way of protecting yourself before you met here."