The Worst Kind of Surprise Party

[all_too_familiar]

There is a man. He's meditating, and floating several inches off of the ground. This is fairly normal for him - at least he's not floating various furniture this time. Just himself. He doesn't feel like exerting himself any further. It's been a long day.

He realizes it's going to be a lot longer when he's no longer in his room.

"I hate surprises," he sighs, and he opens his eyes to look at his new surroundings. He's still floating, and surprisingly calm.

Comments

[all_too_familiar]

"It does, doesn't it? Either way, they - I don't think they could implant me with a false personality, but they could do false memories. So they tried to make me - mm. More pliable? More willing to follow orders. And then they were going to have me lead them around with a slightly bullshit story about force bonds to the Star Forge, and then they would blow it up. Slight problem. Their ship was attacked, by Malak. He's occasionally almost good for something, in this story. Almost."

[unmarred]

"What'd he do?"

[all_too_familiar]

"I was on that ship. I - am tempted to say 'I got off the ship and onto the planet below,' but it's likely more accurate to say I had an escort almost lead me to the escape pods, then die against a dark jedi so I could run for it. Either way, I was off the ship, away from the jedi, and on a planet, free to wander around and try to figure out a way off of the rock."

[unmarred]

"How'd that turn out?"

[all_too_familiar]

"Rescued a jedi named Bastila who had a large part in either saving my life or brainwashing me, stole a ship from a crime lord, made it off the planet just before Malak carpet bombed it, because of course he fucking carpet bombed it."

[unmarred]

"Never learns, does he."

[all_too_familiar]

"Not 'til the day he died. And on that day, he learned I am a bad man to have as an enemy."

[unmarred]

[all_too_familiar]

Revan smirks.

"Long story short, they retrained me as a jedi because of course they did, they wanted me to be a good little minion. And then I went and refound the Star Forge, through miscellaneous adventures. In the process, I learned the shocking revelation that I was Revan. Gasp. I was much less surprised than they thought I was going to be when I found that one out. Also Bastila fell to the dark side. That one was hilarious, she'd been so righteous before and then she shows up in all black saying, 'I have sworn allegiance to Malak and the sith.'"

The last part is in a mock-falsetto.

[unmarred]

"It's the righteous ones you've got to watch out for, that's not news."

[all_too_familiar]

"It isn't, but it was just. Sort of gratifying to see her eat her words. She spent - so much time lecturing me on the dangers of the dark side. And then she falls." Smirk. "And then I dragged her kicking and screaming from her little temper tantrum, because fuck if I'm going to kill someone with something as rare as battle meditation just because she's inconvenient."

[unmarred]

"Well done you."

[all_too_familiar]

"Thank you. I'm kind of an asshole, but you know, occasionally I do the right thing."

[unmarred]

"It's an endearing quality."

[all_too_familiar]

"That should be my new strategy for my reputation. 'Revan. Reformed sith lord, occasionally does the right thing. Still sometimes kind of an asshole.'"

[unmarred]

Snort.

[all_too_familiar]

Revan smiles.

"Thank you, by the way, for not running screaming from the room at the knowledge that once I tried to conquer the galaxy."

[unmarred]

"It seemed halfway reasonable, as attempts to conquer the galaxy go."

[all_too_familiar]

"I made a halfway reasonable sith. I... Think. I admittedly don't remember most of it."

[unmarred]

"And it seems, from my admittedly limited examples, that a halfway reasonable sith is a difficult item to come by."

[all_too_familiar]

Revan snickers. "I've met a less limited number of sith. They are mostly all insane."

[unmarred]

"What a surprise."

[all_too_familiar]

"They had an academy. It was - some mix of sick, pathetic, and completely bonkers. I attended, briefly, during my miscellaneous adventures. They are mostly all insane." Pause. "I have stories, if you want to hear them."

[unmarred]

"Love to."

[all_too_familiar]

He flashes a smile. "How did I know. All right, so the star map I needed was in the Tomb of Naga Sadow. The Tomb of Naga Sadow was located in the sith academy. So, of course, I had to go join the sith academy to get at the tomb. Here is how it worked - first, you had to get a medallion from a person who was recruiting - you didn't get a medallion if you weren't considered worthy. Or, you could kill someone else that had a medallion, and it would be just as valid, and they would let you walk right in. Because that's good planning."