The Worst Kind of Surprise Party

[all_too_familiar]

There is a man. He's meditating, and floating several inches off of the ground. This is fairly normal for him - at least he's not floating various furniture this time. Just himself. He doesn't feel like exerting himself any further. It's been a long day.

He realizes it's going to be a lot longer when he's no longer in his room.

"I hate surprises," he sighs, and he opens his eyes to look at his new surroundings. He's still floating, and surprisingly calm.

Comments

[unmarred]

"They weren't interested in explaining themselves. The official excuse was inappropriately ambitious generals. Inappropriate ambition did play a part, I think - you conquer the territory, maybe you get a piece, and Barrayar looked like easy pickings."

[all_too_familiar]

Someone looks unimpressed.

"Good for Barrayar for tossing them out. And conquering Komarr was a smart move, I approve."

[unmarred]

"Yeah. It was a clean job, too, hardly any casualties, right up until some bloodthirsty fuckwit on the Barrayaran side decided to kill two hundred Komarran civilians for reasons that remain lost to history because the admiral in charge personally executed him as soon as the news broke."

[all_too_familiar]

"You know, a few years ago I would have argued that he should have interrogated the idiot responsible for that first. But now I can't fault the person responsible and wish I'd done it with a similar situation. How badly did the backlash hit the admiral?"

[unmarred]

"Badly. For a long time the only galactic reputation he had was as the person who was in charge when the Solstice Massacre went down. His name is still a curse on Komarr. They went from grudging cooperation to seething rebellion in a day. And when the admiral's son was about six years old, one of the most prominent rebels faked his death and ran off to have the kid secretly cloned, with an eye to an eventual substitution so his indoctrinated impersonator-assassin could murder the admiral in as personally upsetting a way as possible."

Pause.

"Needless to say, this did not work out quite the way he planned."

[all_too_familiar]

Revan sighs. "Of course it didn't, because it was a stupid plan. You were the major victim of it?"

[unmarred]

"Well, arguably. And he very nearly pulled it off. It's just that in the course of studying the family I was supposed to infiltrate, I noticed that they were all vastly more likeable people than the asshole who had hold of my leash."

[all_too_familiar]

He tilts this head. Meditation's kind of being ignored, sorry meditation. He'll get to you later, really. "... And you slipped the leash?"

[unmarred]

"Shot him," Mark says succinctly.

[all_too_familiar]

"That was very brave," observes Revan.

[unmarred]

"Eh, I guess."

[all_too_familiar]

Nod. "And then you were summoned by the murder cult?"

[unmarred]

"Spent a while roaming the galaxy playing surreal pranks on the Barrayaran intelligence agents who were following me, first."

[all_too_familiar]

... Revan cracks up. "Surreal pranks? Such as?"

[unmarred]

"Break into hotel room, completely cover bed in neat rows of dried beans, leave without a trace."

[all_too_familiar]

Yep. The proper response to this is cracking up.

"That," he snorts, "is hilarious."

[unmarred]

"Thank you. I try."

[all_too_familiar]

Revan smiles.

"So. Do you want to hear my history before the murder cult?"

[unmarred]

"Go for it."

[all_too_familiar]

"Well," he says, floating to sit on the ground because obviously meditation is just not happening, "there's a bit of galactic history before we can get into mine, as well. I'm sure you've heard me mention something called the Force and likely pinned it down as some strange psuedo-religion magic thing?"

[unmarred]

"Something like."

[all_too_familiar]

He nods. "Before I can explain the history I need to explain that. The Force is - something that connects everyone, and everything. It's always difficult to describe it, especially to people that aren't Force sensitive. Being Force sensitive is like you always have a - sense of the world around you. Always have a feel for the big picture and the people in it, like - I wouldn't say 'like you are never alone,' that's not quite accurate, like you are never cut off. Like even when you are alone you're not blind and deaf and defenseless." Pause. "For the two seconds of sensory deprivation, I felt like I was cut off from the Force, and I sincerely think that if there is a hell, that's it."

[unmarred]

"Mm."

[all_too_familiar]

"Anyway," he says. "If you are Force sensitive, and you get the proper training, you can do what basically amounts to magic with it." Revan demonstrates by levitating a book, and then putting it back down. "Among other things. My teachers would probably scream at me for describing the force as 'something you can do magic with,' but I'm trying to avoid the philosophy religious side of it with you, so; magic.

"Now, being able to do anything with the Force requires a lot of self discipline and training. The typical source for this is the jedi order. The purpose of this order is to - help people. Save people, defeat evildoers, protect the galaxy, rescue small animals from trees. That sort of thing."

[unmarred]

"How noble."