The Worst Kind of Surprise Party

[all_too_familiar]

There is a man. He's meditating, and floating several inches off of the ground. This is fairly normal for him - at least he's not floating various furniture this time. Just himself. He doesn't feel like exerting himself any further. It's been a long day.

He realizes it's going to be a lot longer when he's no longer in his room.

"I hate surprises," he sighs, and he opens his eyes to look at his new surroundings. He's still floating, and surprisingly calm.

Comments

[unmarred]

"Well, there's one way to find out."

Up the stairs he goes!

He does not explode in the moonlight.

[all_too_familiar]

"Oh good, you didn't explode," says Revan sincerely.

[unmarred]

"I am glad I didn't explode. So, moonlight's safe. Sunlight is still an unknown."

[all_too_familiar]

"Yeah. And we should find a spot for you to stay in case sunlight turns out to be deadly. Mm. Here's better than nothing but it still screams 'This will end badly' to me."

[unmarred]

"Does it?"

[all_too_familiar]

"Mm. I don't know what kind of - magic, I suppose, that they did. I don't know what its limitations are or what rules it follows. It doesn't feel like anything strange is happening around us right now, but I didn't feel anything strange happening right before they threw the candles and I had the Force ripped away from me. I don't know if their ritual sacrifice thing was to do anything besides feed their 'god,' or if they had any safeguards in place for if things went horribly wrong. I don't know if they chose this location based on that, if there's something inherent in this place that's bad. It's all very mysterious, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to be caught off guard.

"Furthermore, the place is built to look unassuming, to fly under the radar - but it's got nothing to back it up. It's kind of pathetic, actually. I'm not asking for security cameras in every room and key cards for every door, but I would like a layout that isn't made for, 'everyone upstairs is caught off guard and slaughtered, and the one person downstairs gets time to flee.' Except, and correct me if I'm wrong, there's no place for the one person to flee to, unless that ritual is two ways. I didn't bother to look for secret exits, and there very well might be one, but it wouldn't improve the inherent 'everyone that is not me is expendable' aspect of the building design. I take offense to that kind of building design.

"Worse, there aren't any obvious resources nearby that make staying here worth any of that. I didn't see any nearby towns, I didn't see any major roads, I didn't see mines or factories or key locations that make this place worth putting up with. It's made to not be valuable enough for anyone to care about. That would be useful if people were actively hunting us, but as far as I know we've killed anyone that would even know we're here. As it is, we're in a situation where it's wise to be known and ask around and talk to people - you're obviously highly trained and physically enhanced, and I have laser swords that cut through nearly everything and Force powers. I don't think we should assume that we'll automatically win against everything we encounter, but I think skulking is a bad move.

"And then anyone that meets us will connect us to the cult that we just killed, if they knew of the cult. Again, that could be valuable if they were a well known cult, and we were trying to present ourselves as righteous cult-killers, but they weren't well known. In the much more likely event that people we talk to don't know of the cult, then we're suddenly the creepy murderous duo with a pile of corpses in the basement. I don't know about you, but I do not want to be the duo with a pile of corpses in the basement.

"... Also I don't want to clean up said pile of corpses." He smiles. "So that all adds up to 'I think it's a bad idea to stay here for longer than a few days.'"

[unmarred]

"Yeah, that's a fair analysis. I'm reluctant to flee immediately without taking the time to figure out just why a vampire would prefer to live in a windowless basement, though."

[all_too_familiar]

"Sure. That's fair. We can take a day or two to figure that out before we leave."

[unmarred]

Nod.

[all_too_familiar]

Well, with that decided: "Then I should go clean up the corpses to avoid the smell. Might also look for secret passages, maybe this place is less of a tactical trainwreck than it appears to be."

[unmarred]

"Weren't you just saying you didn't want to clean up the corpses?"

[all_too_familiar]

"Oh, I don't," he says lightly. "But I want to deal with rotting corpses even less."

[unmarred]

"Valid preference. I'll help."

[all_too_familiar]

"I appreciate it!"

Cleaning up the bodies isn't much of an ordeal. Revan decides to just avoid physically carrying dismembered corpses. He has the Force. He can carry them that way. Besides, he only has one set of clothes, he'd rather avoid ruining them before he has another set to change into. And he's lazy.

They can be piled outside in a pit (dug by Revan, with the Force, because he's a cheating bastard) and then unceremoniously set on fire. It won't get rid of them completely, but it will keep the smell from getting too bad.

[unmarred]

Mark, once it is established that Revan is capable of dealing with all the body parts by hismelf, locates cleaning supplies and starts mopping up the blood on the floor of the throne room. It's not such a big problem as the corpses, but it's already getting sticky and gross. He also hauls what's left of the throne upstairs and dumps the bloodstained pieces in Revan's fire pit, to get it out of his way. (It was an early casualty in his fight with the robed man.) On consideration, he does the same thing with the blood-soaked fur robe.

[all_too_familiar]

Soon enough, everything that needs to be set on fire is in the fire pit. Revan goes and prunes several trees with his lightsaber for tinder, piles the wood on the corpses (and throne, and fur robe), and then carefully sets it all on fire with the same lightsaber. The lightsaber - a jedi's weapon. A weapon for a more civilized age. Also very useful for practical purposes. Like burning corpses. He's got a lot of practice with this sort of thing. Soon he has a roaring bonfire.

He'll probably have to repeat this 'burn the corpses' process again later, it's not like corpses are easy to burn. But he thinks that this is good enough for tonight.

"Hey," says Revan, poking his head through the door. "You have first dibs on the refresher, I can get the rest of the floor if you want to clean up."

[unmarred]

"Thanks. You're a treasure," he says.

Off to figure out thousand-year-old plumbing!

He manages it with minimal disaster, and rinses the blood out of his clothes, and steals clean underwear and trousers from the dead cultists' dormitory rather than put the wet things back on.

[all_too_familiar]

Revan dutifully finishes cleaning the floor, and then one Mark's done getting clean, it's his turn.

One plumbing adventure later and he too is clean. Clothes, too, though he's carefully dried off his underwear and trousers by holding his lightsaber close (but not touching) to the clothes so they dry off. Look, if a jedi isn't using their lightsaber for everything they are doing it wrong, okay? Revan thinks every jedi should use their lightsaber like he uses his. It's an amazing tool.

(That can and has set his clothes on fire. Look it was one time, he's learned from his mistakes, and his robes are fire resistant now.)

And then he hangs up the rest of his robes to dry and heads off to meditate and heal some more from his recent stab wound.

... He is unbothered by floating in the throne room shirtless. Is Mark going to be bothered by Revan floating in the throne room shirtless?

[unmarred]

Bothered is not exactly the word, no.

[all_too_familiar]

Well, while he's sitting and floating and motionless, this is a pretty good opportunity to oogle, if Mark would like to.

He's got an interesting network of scars.

[unmarred]

Positively fascinating. The stories they could tell...

[all_too_familiar]

"I don't actually remember how I got all of them," says Revan, idly. "The scars, I mean. I've had some... Very unique memory problems."

[unmarred]

"Pity, I would've loved to hear about 'em."

[all_too_familiar]

"I do have some of them," he offers. Still with his eyes closed, he points to a circular burn near his shoulder. "That was a gang member on Taris. He was a bit of a bastard. Threw a fit when I beat his best swoop racer in a race, and turned the entire place into a killzone in revenge. I won, and saved the person I'd come there to save, despite what she would tell you about 'saving herself' - bullshit, by the way - and then we stole the ship out from under a crime lord to get off the planet."

[unmarred]

"Nice. Well done."